Weekends

Caleb will be coming to stay towards the end of April! His flights and everything have been booked, I'm really excited for the holidays now :). I'm also having a girls night with the ladies tomorrow night which will be fun :) We're going to do some sing-star like old times, eat lots of lollies, have a nice dinner with wine and of coarse talk lots and catch up on everything! I miss being at school and seeing them each day, that's pretty much the only thing I miss from school though. But we still catch up whenever we can and there will be plenty of exciting things happening in the future. It still seems so surreal to me, everyone moving out and getting apartments. It's the next phase of our lives I guess and it's exciting.

I need to do some study tomorrow and need to do some job searching. Not looking for anything to full on, just some part time work for a bit of extra money. My main focus for now is university.

Fulfillment.

I finally feel on track again and I'm not going to let it sway off in some unknown direction this time. That's happened to many times and I really feel like I need direction and to feel content with where I am going with my life. I have realized now how important that is to me. I want to be achieving things and moving in the direction I need to be going in to reach my goals. I think we all need that to a certain extent, self fulfillment. I guess it gives you a sense of accomplishment, which is always nice :). I think I will aim to get an A on this exam... that would make me happy beyond words! I just need to really focus and work on it. I want this all so badly, I just need to push myself into making it happen. No slacking off! I know I can do this.

Believe.

I have always believed in self love and how empowering it can be. If you believe you are capable of something and you don't let other people define you, then there isn't anything you can't do. It's when you decide to push through the mold in which society has created of what makes you successful. Who wants to have to live up to the expectations of other people? Your expectations are the only ones you need to focus on, the goals you want to achieve. You are a person, your own person. Your have the ability to do anything you set your mind to. In a world so full of negative influences, nasty people and just unfortunate circumstances the person you need to always be on your side is you. Nobody can love you like you can, the only person you can be sure isn't going to disappear on you is you and neither will god of coarse. It's ok to make mistakes and it's ok to be down sometimes. It's ok to let yourself feel your emotions and it's ok to cry once in a while.

Butterflies

I still get butterflies when I see you

I've always loved pokemon :D

T2

So things are going rather well, things which were creating a fair bit of stress have now died down - thankfully! So yes, just positive outlook from now on! Although I always try to be positive in even the troublesome situations. It just helps I think :) and it makes things more enjoyable. For me anyway.

Just made myself some Buddha's Tears, which is a white tea. It's a very relaxing tea with a lovely but not overpowering fragrance. They are actually small flowers and when you put the hot water in and leave it for a couple minutes the flowers open up and it's ready to drink :). I love tea, so much variety. You couldn't possibly become bored of it! And it's so enjoyable, we found this tea shop called T2 and my golly! It smells SO good in there, and the tea's we tried were just amazing. I want to go there and buy some. But I think I'll have to wait until I have more money, I don't even feel like I have the room for small luxuries at the moment but at least I can enjoy the small luxuries I already own :)

Heartbeats

Image from weheartit

I read something just before which made me think about how within society there is often this warped view of what a successful relationship is. Creating unrealistic expectations, and I'm sure we all know what happens when we have expectations which don't live up to what we expected. What happens? We get disappointed. That's why I have come to believe to entering into every situation with an open mind and willingness to deal with things in the case something does go pear shaped. Whether it be a dinner party or a new moisturizer. But specifically speaking about relationships (with your significant other, and by that I mean boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife). What's a successful relationship to you? I believe in a relationship both people should be willing to compromise. An equal relationship where both partners feel content and not taken for granted. Where each person feels they can openly express their opinions or concerns without fear of being judged. Communication to me is a HUGE component of a relationship. You need to be able to express how you feel and I believe the listener should then listen without judgment and respond according to how they feel but in a sensitive manner towards how their partner feels. But of coarse both people need to consider how the other feels and that's when the compromise comes in and decide on a solution which you are both happy with. I believe relationships need respect, trust, honesty and genuinely caring for the other person and of coarse loving them. Even with all that said not all of those things are easily achieved, especially when we think about our emotions and how not always are we able to deal with and express how we feel in a controlled way. These things aren't always easy, relationships aren't always roses and butterflies. They can be tough sometimes, but they are definitely worth it. When their good it's the most fulfilling feeling and can make you feel happiness in ways you didn't know existed. Love is powerful.

And when it comes to respect, I can't stress enough how important it is to me. When it comes to your values, beliefs and boundaries. I don't believe anyone has the right to question those. Of coarse I think it's alright to disagree, if say your values or beliefs were different but to do it in a way without putting down what they believe. Open discussion is a good thing but not for anyone to try to cross your boundaries or put down what you believe or value. You are your own person and deserve to be respected. If someone doesn't respect you, then really I don't think they deserve you. Respect is a two way street though of coarse, so it needs to come from both sides.

This is all only my opinion though, people value different things in relationships and no one is right or wrong. I really believe in individuality, no one is the same, we all think differently and we all want different things. I would never judge someone for what they believe or value.

Constellation of the heart

Today just for the sake of it, I am going to go through some of my favourite things :) and why their my favourite.

My Favourite movie

I absolutely adore this movie. I have watched it more times than I can count and I still enjoy it just as much as the first time I saw it. Gary Oldman did a fabulous job as Dracula! I don't think anyone could top what a great job he did. He practically draws the audience into his darkness and passion through till the end. I loved how from the start of the movie it explains how Dracula became Dracula and his bond with Elisabeta was formed. The love story between Dracula and Mina/Elisabeta is one which is very captivating in itself, as well as heartbreaking to me. Eternal love which due to unfortunate circumstance was not ever able to be lived. The storyline itself is amazing, but this movie is just as pleasing visually. The set and the costumes are so beautiful, it kind of has a dark enchanting feeling to it, which I love and suited it very well. Gosh I loved the dresses Mina and Lucy wore, I want one! This in my opinion is by far the best Dracula movie, ever made.

My Favourite Music
This is a hard one for me, because there are so many songs I love. I think I will just have to name a couple of them, in no particular order.

Kate Bush - Constellation of the heart, Kite, Babooshka, This woman's work, The red shoes

Pink Floyd - On the turning away, Wish you were here

Annie Lennox - Love song for a Vampire

Vanessa Carlton - Come undone

Nikola Sarcevic - Nobody without you

Suzanne Vega - The Queen and the Soldier

Enya - Only time, Caribbean Blue

Alanis Morissette - Head over Feet

Iron Maiden - Wasted years, Run to the Hills, Blood Brothers

Meat Loaf - I would do anything for love

Bjork - Pagan Poetry

Dire Straits - Romeo and Juliet

Angus and Julia Stone - For you

Regina Spektor - Better, Eet, The Call, Laughing with

Maria Mena - Miss you love

Sia - My love

These are some of the songs (believe me there are more) that at some stage I listened to over and over and over again. When I listen to music for me to really like it, it has to make me feel something. Of coarse we all can like a song because it sounds good, but the ones that stick with me the ones I love the most have meaning to me. I would give an explanation with each one but there would just be to much haha!

My Favourite Colour
Yes, it would most definitely be purple :D

My Favourite food
Well this is also a hard one, I love food. I am a vegetarian though, so as long as it does not have anything with meat, I'll probably eat it :) Some of the first things which come to mind would be:

-Chocolate, anything and everything made of it. You probably could have guessed right?



























-Sandwiches! All different combination's :) yum yum!

-Cornflakes, yes that is correct. I really like cornflakes, every since I was little.

-Sushi, I could eat this for breakfast, lunch and dinner!

-Avacardo, I could eat this with pretty much anything.






















-Spaghetti (vegetarian kind of coarse) :)

-Fruit!

My Favourite Animal
I have always had a fascination for Elephants. They are so huge but so gentle (unless they feel under threat, which is understandable. Especially with poachers :/ who will take their life for just one single tusk). I remember watching an elephant documentary on elephants, and I was so touched by it and it made me fall even more in love with them. They are so intelligent, and it has been proved they too can feel grief. Elephants even stay with their family, they travel in herds with the other elephants who are related to them (well the females, the males elephants leave once they are old enough to join the other bull elephants).
Just watching elephants interact how could someone not believe they too have feelings. I don't know how anyone could harm them, I mean where would their heart be? This animal has just as much of a want to live just as you or I. And they are taking that away from them.
These are some things I found on elephants, which better helps explain their capability for emotion (found at http://www.pbs.org/wnet/nature/unforgettable/emotions.html):

Love

There is no greater love in elephant society than the maternal kind. Nobody who observes a mother with her calf could doubt this. It is one of the most touching aspects of elephant social customs. The calf is so small compared to the adult that it walks under its mother, who, incredibly, does not step on it or trip over it. Mother and child remain in constant touch. If a calf strays too far from its mother, she will fetch it. The mother often touches her child with trunk and legs, helping it to its feet with one foot and her trunk. She carries it over obstacles and hauls it out of pits or ravines. She pushes it under her to protect it from predators or hot sun. She bathes it, using her trunk to spray water over it and then to scrub it gently. The mother steers her calf by grasping its tail with her trunk, and the calf follows, holding its mother's tail. When the calf squeals in distress, its mother and others rush to its protection immediately. It is easy to see why the bond between mother and daughter lasts 50 years or more.

Grief

One of the most moving displays of elephant emotion is the grieving process. Elephants remember and mourn loved ones, even many years after their death. When an elephant walks past a place that a loved one died he or she will stop and take a silent pause that can last several minutes. While standing over the remains, the elephant may touch the bones of the dead elephant (not the bones of any other species), smelling them, turning them over and caressing the bones with their trunk. Researchers don't quite understand the reason for this behavior. They guess the elephants could be grieving. Or they could they be reliving memories. Or perhaps the elephant is trying to recognize the deceased. Whatever the reason, researchers suspect that the sheer interest in the dead elephant is evidence that elephants have a concept of death. In UNFORGETTABLE ELEPHANTS, when Erin is wounded, Echo and the family never wander far from her over the course of several days, leaving only to drink. After Erin's death, her family touched and smelled the bones, as filmmaker Martyn Colbeck says, "as if they were trying to understand what had happened."

Researchers have described mother elephants who appear to go through a period of despondency after the death of a calf, dragging behind the herd for days. They've also witnessed an elephant herd circling a dead companion disconsolately. After some time, and likely when they realized the elephant was dead, the family members broke off branches, tore grass clumps and dropped these on the carcass. Another researcher noted a family of African elephants surrounding a dying matriarch. The family stood around her and tried to get her up with their tusks and put food in her mouth. When the rest of the herd finally moved on, one female and one calf stayed with her, touching her with their feet.





























































They are just gorgeous and I have the utmost respect for them.

My Favourite Book
Another difficult one! I have read a fair few books, mostly biographies. Also the house of Night books and Fallen, I liked those as well. But it would be the biographies which stay with me the most. I will list the ones I have read:
-Mao's Last Dancer
-Helen Keller
-Daughter of china
-Chinese Cinderella
-Anne Frank's Diary
-Nancy Wake
-In the name of honor
-Not without you
-Stolen
Each and every one of these books, touched me in some way. So if asked what my favourite book was, it would be all of them.

Dooo it

It suddenly got very cold quickly. Today hasn't been the best day, at the moment I feel like I am in one of those moments where I don't feel right. This has nothing to do with the other people in my life. This is just to do with me personally, because there are certain things I wish to achieve and I'm not putting my best foot forward to make those things happen. I think I need to think about what I need to do to make everything work with everything else. I need to fully get organised, I need to stop putting things off and I just have to do it.

Image from: vintagerosegarden.tumblr.com

Just a short post quickly because I really need to sleep! I went to the art Gallery the other day with my family, and I loved it! We didn't get to spend much time there though which was disappointing. I am in the city tomorrow though so I could go back myself. Entry is free as well which is even better :). The frames which bordered each painting were so intricately designed and were stunning. The paintings themselves were beautiful and their frames accentuated their beauty. There is something about paintings which I just love, I could spend hours in that gallery. I kind of love paintings the way I also love books. I want to get back into reading, just haven't found a book as yet which I would like to read. I am quite picky when it comes to books, but my Aunt and I have very similar taste in books. So I get most of the new books to read from her, since I trust she will pick ones I will enjoy also. She is actually sending me a parcel with some things and she said she is going to put in some books for me, so I will probably have some to read soon :). Next time I am in the city I also need to go to the Max Brenner chocolate place! Looks so good, I will definitely be posting about my experience there once I get to go :D! I better go to bed, goodnight!

Stepping stones

Have you ever read something and you suspect it's about a certain thing, but you don't know for sure? Well that's what I just did, I read something and freaked the hell out. But I don't even know if what my brain added it up to be, is even correct. Yet the chance that it could be, practically makes me want to be sick. The thing is, I believe so much in being open, with everyone close to you. Because they are the people who shouldn't have to be guessing about you.

So I try to wear my heart on my sleeve, and really I'm alright at it. Everyone's just scared of being hurt, that's what it really comes down to. But I know the people closest to me, wouldn't want to hurt me. Well at least you'd hope not haha and if they do then I just take it and chuck it out the window. I tread so softly when it comes to other people's feelings, but I come across so many other people who don't really seem to care about your/someone else's feelings.

I love who we are, when we are around us.

I miss Caleb so much. And it doesn't matter for how long I get to speak to him each day, it still never seems like enough. Without physical touch and being able to see them or know they are just in the next room. Things that people would be so use to, these little things excite me so much when Caleb is here with me. To know I can run into the room and know he'll be there is like Christmas for me, because it happens so rarely. To stand beside him and feel his hands wrap around my waist is a comfort like no other. Living in different cities has in some ways made me realize how special each and every thing is, and how hard it is to be without it for any period of time. Such as a smile and seeing their face light up, or hearing them laugh and having tickle fights on the bed. I miss being able to do these things, things which people wouldn't usually think twice about. I feel my heart ache every time I even see a couple just holding hands, and how I wish it could be a possibility for me each day. I just can't wait until the time comes when I can wake up and have him there with me every morning of every single day.

I have recently discovered the band 'Oh Land,' and I love their music. Nanna Øland Fabricius' voice is just enchanting and so beautiful. This song 'Wolf and I' would be one of my favorites for sure :)

Hayao Miyazaki

I have always absolutely loved the films directed by Hayao Miyazaki. They are just so unlike any other films you will see, so magical. They are the films I can watch over and over again and never get sick of them. To name my favorites, in no particular order -

Spirited Away


















Howl's Moving Castle
















My neighbor Totoro
























Ponyo





























Whisper of the heart





















Like the clouds like the wind




















Laputa - Castle in the sky

















Princess Mononoke


























images from Google

I love the smell of rain.

The photo's with Rosie today went well, we got some good ones! Even though I had to be out in the rain for some of them. It was freezing but those photo's turned out the best, so it was definitely worth it. I might post a few on here once I get them on the usb from Rosie :). We are doing some more photo's on Sunday, which is exciting as well because mum will be doing the makeup for us, it's very nice to have a makeup artist in the family. It was a very nice day, very chilled and relaxed the way I like it :) that's what I love about just being with friends, it's so comfortable. Easy conversation and lots of laughing :) and how I love to laugh! We need more laughter and smiles in this world. I love it when you see someone in public, just someone who you don't even know and they just are making their way about and you smile at them and they smile back. Because I think smiles are powerful things, especially receiving one from a stranger, you could brighten some one's day :) with one simple gesture.






I still wants a cat!

Creativity

I am doing photo's with Rosie tomorrow, which I am excited about :)! We haven't done photo's in so long, I'm really looking forward to it. So I'll go straight to her house after uni. It'll be good to just be with her one on one too, so we can talk like we always use to. I miss that. We're going to be doing photo's with interesting headpieces tomorrow and I'll probably be wearing a leotard of some sort. Ahh, I'm excited!

So tell me..

And so I wish the matters of the heart were more easily understood. More easily controlled, but unfortunately that's not that case. But I must say I have become better with it, it's not as bad as it use to be, which I am thankful for.

We're constantly learning, every experience is a chance to grow.

Changes

Well I changed my blog layout. For some reason I desired it to be just plain white. So now it is, even though it took me a while to figure out how I could have it like that. But after some research I became successful :)

*20 minuets later* I decided to make a sort of lavender coloured boarder. The white was good, but I wanted just a bit of colour. So I added the lavender, now I am fully content with it :). I had to play around with the HTML, which I really have no experience with and was a bit confusing at first. But I worked it out after some trial and error.

Sylvia Plath

I remember doing Sylvia Plath's poem "Mirror" as an assessment for English at school. I was reading poems and came across some of hers tonight which made me think back to school. I was intrigued by her poem "Mirror" and her others I have read. Which in turn made me wonder about her as a person and what her life was like, what kind of influences she had and what inspired her writing. I know her life was difficult and that she suffered from clinical depression. She wrote a book called The Bell Jar, which is apparently a very dark novel, but worth it. I am interested in reading it and might have a look for it next time I am at the library. Her poems are so amazing though, she wrote so well. I have been trying to get back into poetry lately. Because I actually do find it very enjoyable, especially once I have written one I am fully happy with.

Sylvia Plath

Mirror

I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.
Whatever I see, I swallow immediately.
Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike
I am not cruel, only truthful –
The eye of a little god, four-cornered.
Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall.
It is pink, with speckles. I have looked at it so long
I think it is a part of my heart. But it flickers.
Faces and darkness separate us over and over.

Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me.
Searching my reaches for what she really is.
Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.
I see her back, and reflect it faithfully
She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
I am important to her. She comes and goes.
Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.