precious things

I was thinking about the movie A Beautiful Mind, and the scene towards the end. I cannot watch it without becoming teary. Just like I can't watch My Sister's Keeper or P.S. I love you without crying through the whole movie. But this scene in A Beautiful Mind, really touched me. He thought his wife left but she hadn't and what she says to him I think is so beautiful. The movie is based on a true story, a man who had Schizophrenia. He was a very smart man though, he won the Nobel prize and everything. I would highly recommend this movie to anyone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQTxKRQLXdY&feature=related

Turtles

It's my birthday soon and I shall be 19 years young :). Just thinking of going out to dinner with everyone :) trying to pick which restaurant is proving to be rather difficult though. Go with one I know is good or take a chance on one which looks good but i have never been to before? Haha! Well maybe I will just ask everyone what they think. It'll be nice though once it's happening, just to have our group together with all of us. I really do miss seeing them everyday. I'll never forget all our school lunchtime's and the hilarious conversations. And having Caleb here for the week of my birthday, which I am very muchly looking forward to. I miss him, a lot. Things to look forward to though :) I wish time would go faster so these things which i am looking forward to will happen! But then again I don't want time to go to quickly because that will mean that the holidays are over. But I do want to make some changes this year, so bring it on. I really need to make sure i study though, main weakness of mine - procrastination. Alas all will be fine, things are exciting even if the new challenges of this year are a bit scary.

come undone

There are many ways to describe love...
The way I see love, is seeing a person for who they really are and accepting everything about them. Having trust and being honest. Feeling comfortable with them and knowing you can open up to them and freely expressing opinions without worrying. A feeling of absolute content and happiness knowing you have them. The thought of living without them, unbearable.

I never use to think of love as something scary. But I think what makes love scary is the vulnerability. Opening ourselves up to someone so completely. Every human is afraid of being vulnerable, of being hurt. So we close off those parts of our hearts, even to people who are closest to us because we are afraid they are going to touch the part of our hearts that hurt us the most. But being in a relationship is about opening up and letting ourselves be vulnerable, knowing it's ok. To voice what we feel, what hurts us and scares us. Because the person we are in a relationship with should be the last person who would ever want to hurt us. Even though relationships have ups and downs, no relationship is always butterflies and roses. But the rough times can always be worked through and it makes you stronger and brings you closer. Talking about things are how things are overcome together, why communication is so important in a relationship. If someone is upset by something their partner does or has said, talking about it is how it is solved. And as the listener patience and understanding is a good quality to have, then react calmly according to how you feel. Compromises need to be made in order to keep a balance and have both people content. Because people won't be happy in an unbalanced relationship where they might feel neglected/unappreciated/ignored among other things. These things aren't always easy to master though I think, because our emotions can get the best of us when we aren't at ease with them. Which is probably why talking about them can offer comfort for us.

All in all though, I think relationships are wonderful. The relationships we have with our significant other, our friends, our family. Where would we be without the people that mean so much to us? They make us happy :) even though they hurt us sometimes. The hurt is nothing when we look at the whole picture. Although not all relationships work and even with the end of one, a new one is sure to soon begin. I personally am very content with my relationships. I have an amazing boyfriend who I absolutely adore and I love him with all my heart. A great group of girls who I know will always be there for me when I need them, their like my second family. As well as my family who are very important to me, who I always can chill with and they all make me laugh so much (especially my brother).

This is all just my take on things, relationships and people's views on them would all be different :) this is just what I believe.

Who's to say..

Holy geebers, I have blogged a lot lately. I do enjoy it though. I meditated again today, so that's two days now! I know it's not much, but I'm still pleased with myself because for quite a while I have been wanting to do it and now I have started. I will keep going too, I have been feeling fine since last night. Whats been bothering me, isn't really bothering me anymore... can't really work out why though. I talked about it, even though I was actually forced to say it and in the end I gave in, even though I didn't want to. But I am rather stubborn sometimes and I have an extreme amount of trouble admitting insecurities. Especially admitting them to people who may have helped add to that insecurity, even though they probably don't even realise. So maybe talking about it was what I needed, even though I wanted so badly to deal with it myself. Why do I make things so hard for myself? I hold onto things and just never show anyone when it's hurting me, instead of actually talking to them about it. This kind of thing rarely happens though, and usually little things I can get over easily. Actually this thing that had been getting to me, I do know why I didn't want to talk about it. But I did and I feel better, so really all in all it was a positive outcome.

Success!

Tried meditating for the first time today, just for 10minutes. I thought it would be a bit difficult to stay sitting still. But time actually seemed to go fairly fast, before I knew it the beeper went off and the 10minutes was over. It was quite relaxing, no one else was home at the time which was good. I did have to concentrate on my posture a bit to make sure I kept sitting straight though, I really need to improve that. I haven't been home by myself in a while, it was nice. So yes, my first meditating experience went well which I was happy with :) I am going to try and do it everyday, slowly I will increase the time I do it for.

"As we begin to develop awareness of the mind, the mind itself appears to divide into two. A new aspect of the mind arises. This is referred to variously as the witness, the seer, the knower, or the observer. It witnesses without judgment and without comment. Along with the arrival of the witness, a space appears within the mind. This enables us to see thoughts and emotions as mere thoughts and emotions, rather than as 'me' and 'mine.' When the thoughts and emotions are no longer seen as 'me' or 'mine', we begin to have choices. Certain thoughts and emotions are helpful, so we encourage them. Others are not so helpful, so we just let them go. All the thoughts and emotions are recognized and accepted. Nothing is suppressed. But now we have a choice about how to react. We can give energy to the ones, which are useful and skillful and withdraw energy from those which are not."
-From Ani Tenzin Palmo

Thats pretty much what I wish to achieve through meditation. It seems like a very good ability to learn to control :) and that's what I would like to achieve. I want to not try to avoid things that hurt me, I want to confront them and learn to deal with them in a way which is going to have positive effects. By not confronting a problem, we never solve it. I know problems will always be here, it's just part of life. So I want to be able to control my thoughts, even though this takes a lot of practice and apparently some people when they start meditation feel as though they are getting no where. But it takes patience, just like learning an instrument. You can't play perfectly the very first time, it takes practice and patience. Meditation isn't about ignoreing what hurts us or blocking out thoughts, they should come freely and go freely. It's about confronting our inner selves, realising our faults, understanding why things hurt/bother us. Accepting them and moving on from them. Teaching ourselves to think clearer in difficult situations, to control our emotions more easily. And maybe meditation could mean different things for different people and everyone would want to achieve different things through meditation :) but these things are what it means to me, what I want to achieve. And I know which things I want to focus on achieving as well. And I don't have a lot of things that hurt me, I am a happy person overall :) I always have been. But when things happen, I want to be able to deal with them well and to deal with my thoughts better.

"The purpose of cultivation is not to seek anything, but to discover the faults in our character and behavior. By opening ourselves to self-investigation, we hope to find out where our problems lie, and if, after searching within ourselves, we can see these faults and problems, this in itself is the fruit of the practice. " - Master Shen-Yen

Heroes and Thieves

I've been feeling a little better, not yet fully but a little bit :). I just need to stop worrying about things that I have no control over. And expectations are just bad, because we picture something how we want it to be, when it's incapable of it sometimes. We're just setting ourselves up to be disappointed. As much as we wish we could pave things out the way they are in our dreams, we just need to learn to go with what comes and not hold expectations, because we'll be so much more open to everything that's happening around us and we'll be happier for it. So with every new situation I am going to try to do that.

It's currently 3:16am, I have come down to the computer because I cannot sleep. I have been thinking far to much and it's starting to get to me more. I think I may be overthinking it and it's not as bad as how my heart feels it is. I know that all I can do is acknowledge this feeling, because trying to reject it never works. So I'm trying to come to terms with it instead which I am finding hard. I have been reading into meditation a lot lately, and I really want to try it. It's meant to help you feel more complete, accepting, inner peace. I looked up this Bali retreat which is for women and omg it looks amazing. The place they stay at is so gorgeous, would be such an amazing expirience. I'd love to go there with friends, I'd even go by myself. They do meditation coaching and yoga, amoung heaps of other things. But I'm thinking for the time being I'm just going to try meditation on my own.

"The more love and care you send out toward a person or issue, the more you come into alignment with your spirit, the more your intuition comes on-line" -HeartMath

Afterglow.

I figured it out. I cried.

and so there was lightening.

Mum, Paris and I have been home with just us girls these past two days. Which has been really nice, it's quiet which is almost an impossibility in our household. Dad watching TV, and it's always really loud.. which is annoying. Cade on the xbox going off at the people he's talking to. But with just us, it's been nice. It's raining at the moment and the lightening is lighting up the sky :) I love it when it storms!




Sometimes I wish things were easy, but then where would the challenge be? Without challenge it would be boring. Without pain how would we know happiness?

Inspirations

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG9CE55wbtY

This video went for 20mins, but was worth every second. Although this kind of thing really interests me. I found Ken Robinson very inspirational, especially since I am studying psychology; it was these kinds of things which made me want to be a psychologist. I agree with everything Ken was saying about the education system today, "If you're not prepared to be wrong you will never come up with anything original." And I think that's where the flaw is, as Ken said adults/teachers are making mistakes the worst thing you can possibly do. "As a result we are educating people out of their creative capacity," it's kind of like when a child hands in an assignment and we tell them that they did it wrong, aren't we putting up a wall to that child's creativeness? So they stick to everything they are told to do, set guidelines which they must adhere to or FAIL! Nice. And then they are afraid to be wrong again, so they stick to what everyone else tells them to do, therefore stopping their creativity because instead of supporting it, we're practically crushing it. Even though there could be arguments to this, such as, “But it’s teaching children how to follow direction, because in a real job there will be guidelines your company will be asking for.” This is true and I can see the point, but wouldn’t they be able to learn that once they are working for the company? Shouldn’t companies be training their staff in this way anyway? Because even with that point being made I still think that having their own original idea’s they could bring something more to a company. And I know through teaching we can improve certain skills, which I think is important. I just think the teaching process needs to be changed. After watching the video, it almost made me feel sad because there are all these children that could grow so much with the correct approach and they could all grow and love what they are doing. Because they decided on it themselves and that’s what they want. But instead we tell them what they should be, "No don't do music you won't get anywhere with that, do maths/physics/biology that’s where the real jobs are. Well excuse me, but not all of us want to be rocket scientists. I think not only does our view on education need to be changed also how we perceive intelligence. Why do people say a mathematician is smarter than a dancer? How are you even meant to measure intelligence? Why do people put intelligence into a category? Intelligence isn't designated to one occupation, why are schools and universities setting up their education systems to make professors? I think the main thing that needs to be changed is people's approach to education and intelligence. The way we teach needs to change too I think, because failing students I don’t think is having any kind of positive effect. Because when you think about it, a child being told you are doing something wrong, you really are killing the creativity. You’re not letting this child create their own work, their originality. I still think guidance is needed, but guidance not guidelines. And maybe some guidelines to a project need to be made, because we need some way to mark this. But not making it out as thought they are doing it completely wrong. There are ways to word things and still put across what needs to be done without stopping their creative input. I think there needs to be room to support and encourage creativity. Our own original ideas are what shape us as humans, do they not? We’re all unique and we all want different things out of our lives. We need people to stop trying to shape our future, we need to be given all the tools to our futures. We don’t need people telling us what subjects to do, because those are the “smart” ones. We don’t need people telling us we aren’t going to get a job if we don’t like maths. There shouldn’t be “compulsory subjects,” because it should be OUR choice.

I know there are probably tonnes of flaws in my argument and if I think about this more, there are things I would change and think about further. But alas I shall post this. There would be things needed to be taken into consideration, before real changes could be made. But if there is one thing I really want for people, is not to be told what to do with their lives. I hate the fact that the education system/parents and just adults in general put these ideas into our heads about what we should be doing. These are our lives, let us decide. Show us everything there is about this world and give us the opportunity to choose. Let us be aware of all that is available to us, the different career options. But show us from a support view. When children are growing and learning support them and what they are choosing, encourage their creativeness.

You deserve to be doing what you want, what makes you happy.

Ordinary Day

So I'm not feeling very good at the moment, when something is bothering me I ignore it and pretend everything is fine. It's like a temporary fix but when it catches up with me later it just gets to me even more.

Music

Gosh how I love it. I have been listening to Priscilla Ahn a lot lately, I find her music so calming. Her song Lullaby would probably be my favourite so far. I remember reading a comment on one of her songs on youtube and they said her voice was like water. Which I can oddly agree with, because it just seems to flow so easily and it melts with the music. A perfect combination.

Some of my favourite songs at the moment:

Priscilla Ahn - Lullaby

Angus and Julia stone - For you

Suzanne Vega - The queen and the soldier
I don't know why, but this song just strikes a chord in me. And it doesn't matter how many times I have listened to it, it does it everytime. It gives me goosebumps. How this song was written metaphorically is so beautiful, and then when you read into the deeper meaning and you listen to the lyrics you can feel it.

Nik Kershaw - Wouldn't it be good

Steve Miller Band - Abracadabra

Close your eyes

Close your eyes
and see what is inside,
for there is more truth found there
that your vision could not compare.

For her appearance is only a disguise
to hide what is inside,
for her heart holds her being
and this is what you should be seeing.

For her surface is just made of skin
not all the personality which lies within.

So next time you see her
close your eyes
maybe then you will realise.

© Kristi

I believe

I believe in forgiveness.

I believe everyone is unique.

I believe in seconds chances.

I believe in staying true to you.

I believe we make our own happiness.

I believe we define who we are, no one else.

I believe we take all the little things for granted.

I believe music has the ability to alter your mood.

I believe we often judge ourselves way to harshly.

I believe we move on, but we never forget the pain.

I believe in taking chances, not letting fear consume you.

I believe you can achieve anything you commit yourself to.

I believe in loving youself, no one can love you like you can.

I believe beauty is much more than what is only visible to the eye.

I believe everyone deserves to be treated with coutesy and respect.

I believe honesty and trust are key ingredients to any relationship.

I believe we don't tell the people we love, that we love them enough.

I believe being positive can completely change your outlook on the world.

I believe it is ok to make mistakes, everyone does and we learn from them.

I believe you shouldn't let negative comments from others bring you down.

I believe we should treat animals with the same respect we treat our family members.

I believe what is important in a person can only be felt with the heart, for it is invisible to the eye.

I believe in you.

RSPCA

So lately I have been thinking a lot about the work the RSPCA does. Which I think is amazing, I love animals and I believe they deserve to be treated in the same way we'd treat our family members and our friends, with respect. I find it really sad hearing about animals who have been abandoned or abused. Because their even more vaulnerable than us, they can't tell you when it hurts or how they are feeling. There is never a bad dog or a ferral cat, because when it comes down to it the way they act is a result to how they have been treated. They have such beautiful nature's :)

And so back to the RSPCA, they put up for adoption animals which need homes. And I really want another cat, it's been a while since my cat Whisper past away and I'd love another cat in my life. It has also always seemed to me as though animals have this healing quality. Even if I was feeling a bit down or had a rough day a hug with whisper always made me feel a bit better :). And I spoke to mum about it, so it's on the cards... just need to convince dad because he doesn't seem to want anymore animals. So if this follows through and dad's all good with having another cat in the house, then I am going to adopt one from the RSPCA. They have all the pets up for adoption online so you can even find the one you want :)
http://adoptapet.com.au/?gclid=CNuGgd3YuaYCFU6DpAodiBzmHQ there are many different animals up for adoption, from cats and dogs to reptiles, horses, ducks, cattle and the list goes on.

Most of the cats are about $150, but they have been desexed, wormed, vaccinated, microchipped and have had a health check. So if you ask me thats a pretty good deal and you get an adorable cat :) and you can search for shelters near by where you live. They even offer a lifestyle choice, what kind of cat your after and would suit you.

New Years Resolutions

I want there to be change this year, so badly. I look at my current situation and then I think of what I want and how difficult I make it seem to be achieved. But that's where my problem is, I think it seems so difficult and far off, when it's not. I just haven't gone and grabbed it, why? Well to put it simply, I'm scared. Change is something i want, it's just taking the steps to achieve the things I want is hard at first. I'm to use to this comfort zone, which when I think about it isn't a comfort zone at all because now I just feel like it's this kind of shelter which I have gotten way to use to for my own good that it now just seems like it is holding me back. I don't want to miss opportunities. I have to stop worrying about what other people think. This is my life and I can't live it according to other people's views and outlooks on what they think is the right thing to do.

Quotes

There are some quotes which I find really inspirational! I thought I would share them :) and say why they mean something to me.

To be an artist is to fail,
as no other dare fail...
SAMUEL BECKETT
~
How I interpret this, is that you have to be willing to do things you may not be familiar with. If your not willing to try something and take the risk of failing then how are you ever going to get closer to achieving your goals? If you take that risk, even if you fail four times before you achieve it. It doesn't matter how many times you fail, to me it's not even failing. It was just learning curves you needed to take in order to build yourself up to where you want to be. You didn't fail, you learnt and you got yourself closer every time.


It's not that I'm so smart,
it's just that I stay with problems longer.
ALBERT EINSTEIN
~
If your working towards something you need to commit to it, put your all into it. Just because something seems hard doesn't mean you can't do it, you can do anything you put your effort into. And just think about how awesome it's going to be once you achieve it? Hells yeah.


A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
~
Making mistakes is just a part of life, everyone makes mistakes. The one thing I think needs to be said most about mistakes, is not to dwell on them. I prefer to think of them as learning curves, because you learn every time. You grow as a person, and next time a similar situation comes around you won't make that same mistake again.


What you do, the way you think, makes you beautiful.
SCOTT WESTERFELD
~
I wholeheartedly believe in this. I think people's action's, the things they say is what makes someone beautiful. Looks in my opinion are so over-rated, I mean sure our looks get us in the door at times but it's our personalities that keep us in the room.Who we are as people is what define us in my opinion.


Things that are done, it is needless to speak about...things that are past, it is needless to blame.
CONFUCIUS
~
This to me is just about moving on from the past, things happen but there is no point on blaming or bring things up that you cant change. I think though if there is something bothering you, yes talk about it, and with time we move on from them.


What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.
CONFUCIUS
~
Pretty self explanatory really :)


Everything has it's beauty, but not everyone see's it.
CONFUCIUS
~
Everyone is beautiful, beauty goes far beyond what can only be seen with the eye.