I was thinking about the movie A Beautiful Mind, and the scene towards the end. I cannot watch it without becoming teary. Just like I can't watch My Sister's Keeper or P.S. I love you without crying through the whole movie. But this scene in A Beautiful Mind, really touched me. He thought his wife left but she hadn't and what she says to him I think is so beautiful. The movie is based on a true story, a man who had Schizophrenia. He was a very smart man though, he won the Nobel prize and everything. I would highly recommend this movie to anyone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQTxKRQLXdY&feature=related
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Turtles
It's my birthday soon and I shall be 19 years young :). Just thinking of going out to dinner with everyone :) trying to pick which restaurant is proving to be rather difficult though. Go with one I know is good or take a chance on one which looks good but i have never been to before? Haha! Well maybe I will just ask everyone what they think. It'll be nice though once it's happening, just to have our group together with all of us. I really do miss seeing them everyday. I'll never forget all our school lunchtime's and the hilarious conversations. And having Caleb here for the week of my birthday, which I am very muchly looking forward to. I miss him, a lot. Things to look forward to though :) I wish time would go faster so these things which i am looking forward to will happen! But then again I don't want time to go to quickly because that will mean that the holidays are over. But I do want to make some changes this year, so bring it on. I really need to make sure i study though, main weakness of mine - procrastination. Alas all will be fine, things are exciting even if the new challenges of this year are a bit scary.
Monday, January 24, 2011
come undone
There are many ways to describe love...
The way I see love, is seeing a person for who they really are and accepting everything about them. Having trust and being honest. Feeling comfortable with them and knowing you can open up to them and freely expressing opinions without worrying. A feeling of absolute content and happiness knowing you have them. The thought of living without them, unbearable.
I never use to think of love as something scary. But I think what makes love scary is the vulnerability. Opening ourselves up to someone so completely. Every human is afraid of being vulnerable, of being hurt. So we close off those parts of our hearts, even to people who are closest to us because we are afraid they are going to touch the part of our hearts that hurt us the most. But being in a relationship is about opening up and letting ourselves be vulnerable, knowing it's ok. To voice what we feel, what hurts us and scares us. Because the person we are in a relationship with should be the last person who would ever want to hurt us. Even though relationships have ups and downs, no relationship is always butterflies and roses. But the rough times can always be worked through and it makes you stronger and brings you closer. Talking about things are how things are overcome together, why communication is so important in a relationship. If someone is upset by something their partner does or has said, talking about it is how it is solved. And as the listener patience and understanding is a good quality to have, then react calmly according to how you feel. Compromises need to be made in order to keep a balance and have both people content. Because people won't be happy in an unbalanced relationship where they might feel neglected/unappreciated/ignored among other things. These things aren't always easy to master though I think, because our emotions can get the best of us when we aren't at ease with them. Which is probably why talking about them can offer comfort for us.
All in all though, I think relationships are wonderful. The relationships we have with our significant other, our friends, our family. Where would we be without the people that mean so much to us? They make us happy :) even though they hurt us sometimes. The hurt is nothing when we look at the whole picture. Although not all relationships work and even with the end of one, a new one is sure to soon begin. I personally am very content with my relationships. I have an amazing boyfriend who I absolutely adore and I love him with all my heart. A great group of girls who I know will always be there for me when I need them, their like my second family. As well as my family who are very important to me, who I always can chill with and they all make me laugh so much (especially my brother).
This is all just my take on things, relationships and people's views on them would all be different :) this is just what I believe.
The way I see love, is seeing a person for who they really are and accepting everything about them. Having trust and being honest. Feeling comfortable with them and knowing you can open up to them and freely expressing opinions without worrying. A feeling of absolute content and happiness knowing you have them. The thought of living without them, unbearable.
I never use to think of love as something scary. But I think what makes love scary is the vulnerability. Opening ourselves up to someone so completely. Every human is afraid of being vulnerable, of being hurt. So we close off those parts of our hearts, even to people who are closest to us because we are afraid they are going to touch the part of our hearts that hurt us the most. But being in a relationship is about opening up and letting ourselves be vulnerable, knowing it's ok. To voice what we feel, what hurts us and scares us. Because the person we are in a relationship with should be the last person who would ever want to hurt us. Even though relationships have ups and downs, no relationship is always butterflies and roses. But the rough times can always be worked through and it makes you stronger and brings you closer. Talking about things are how things are overcome together, why communication is so important in a relationship. If someone is upset by something their partner does or has said, talking about it is how it is solved. And as the listener patience and understanding is a good quality to have, then react calmly according to how you feel. Compromises need to be made in order to keep a balance and have both people content. Because people won't be happy in an unbalanced relationship where they might feel neglected/unappreciated/ignored among other things. These things aren't always easy to master though I think, because our emotions can get the best of us when we aren't at ease with them. Which is probably why talking about them can offer comfort for us.
All in all though, I think relationships are wonderful. The relationships we have with our significant other, our friends, our family. Where would we be without the people that mean so much to us? They make us happy :) even though they hurt us sometimes. The hurt is nothing when we look at the whole picture. Although not all relationships work and even with the end of one, a new one is sure to soon begin. I personally am very content with my relationships. I have an amazing boyfriend who I absolutely adore and I love him with all my heart. A great group of girls who I know will always be there for me when I need them, their like my second family. As well as my family who are very important to me, who I always can chill with and they all make me laugh so much (especially my brother).
This is all just my take on things, relationships and people's views on them would all be different :) this is just what I believe.
Who's to say..
Holy geebers, I have blogged a lot lately. I do enjoy it though. I meditated again today, so that's two days now! I know it's not much, but I'm still pleased with myself because for quite a while I have been wanting to do it and now I have started. I will keep going too, I have been feeling fine since last night. Whats been bothering me, isn't really bothering me anymore... can't really work out why though. I talked about it, even though I was actually forced to say it and in the end I gave in, even though I didn't want to. But I am rather stubborn sometimes and I have an extreme amount of trouble admitting insecurities. Especially admitting them to people who may have helped add to that insecurity, even though they probably don't even realise. So maybe talking about it was what I needed, even though I wanted so badly to deal with it myself. Why do I make things so hard for myself? I hold onto things and just never show anyone when it's hurting me, instead of actually talking to them about it. This kind of thing rarely happens though, and usually little things I can get over easily. Actually this thing that had been getting to me, I do know why I didn't want to talk about it. But I did and I feel better, so really all in all it was a positive outcome.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Success!
Tried meditating for the first time today, just for 10minutes. I thought it would be a bit difficult to stay sitting still. But time actually seemed to go fairly fast, before I knew it the beeper went off and the 10minutes was over. It was quite relaxing, no one else was home at the time which was good. I did have to concentrate on my posture a bit to make sure I kept sitting straight though, I really need to improve that. I haven't been home by myself in a while, it was nice. So yes, my first meditating experience went well which I was happy with :) I am going to try and do it everyday, slowly I will increase the time I do it for.
"As we begin to develop awareness of the mind, the mind itself appears to divide into two. A new aspect of the mind arises. This is referred to variously as the witness, the seer, the knower, or the observer. It witnesses without judgment and without comment. Along with the arrival of the witness, a space appears within the mind. This enables us to see thoughts and emotions as mere thoughts and emotions, rather than as 'me' and 'mine.' When the thoughts and emotions are no longer seen as 'me' or 'mine', we begin to have choices. Certain thoughts and emotions are helpful, so we encourage them. Others are not so helpful, so we just let them go. All the thoughts and emotions are recognized and accepted. Nothing is suppressed. But now we have a choice about how to react. We can give energy to the ones, which are useful and skillful and withdraw energy from those which are not."
-From Ani Tenzin Palmo
Thats pretty much what I wish to achieve through meditation. It seems like a very good ability to learn to control :) and that's what I would like to achieve. I want to not try to avoid things that hurt me, I want to confront them and learn to deal with them in a way which is going to have positive effects. By not confronting a problem, we never solve it. I know problems will always be here, it's just part of life. So I want to be able to control my thoughts, even though this takes a lot of practice and apparently some people when they start meditation feel as though they are getting no where. But it takes patience, just like learning an instrument. You can't play perfectly the very first time, it takes practice and patience. Meditation isn't about ignoreing what hurts us or blocking out thoughts, they should come freely and go freely. It's about confronting our inner selves, realising our faults, understanding why things hurt/bother us. Accepting them and moving on from them. Teaching ourselves to think clearer in difficult situations, to control our emotions more easily. And maybe meditation could mean different things for different people and everyone would want to achieve different things through meditation :) but these things are what it means to me, what I want to achieve. And I know which things I want to focus on achieving as well. And I don't have a lot of things that hurt me, I am a happy person overall :) I always have been. But when things happen, I want to be able to deal with them well and to deal with my thoughts better.
"The purpose of cultivation is not to seek anything, but to discover the faults in our character and behavior. By opening ourselves to self-investigation, we hope to find out where our problems lie, and if, after searching within ourselves, we can see these faults and problems, this in itself is the fruit of the practice. " - Master Shen-Yen
"As we begin to develop awareness of the mind, the mind itself appears to divide into two. A new aspect of the mind arises. This is referred to variously as the witness, the seer, the knower, or the observer. It witnesses without judgment and without comment. Along with the arrival of the witness, a space appears within the mind. This enables us to see thoughts and emotions as mere thoughts and emotions, rather than as 'me' and 'mine.' When the thoughts and emotions are no longer seen as 'me' or 'mine', we begin to have choices. Certain thoughts and emotions are helpful, so we encourage them. Others are not so helpful, so we just let them go. All the thoughts and emotions are recognized and accepted. Nothing is suppressed. But now we have a choice about how to react. We can give energy to the ones, which are useful and skillful and withdraw energy from those which are not."
-From Ani Tenzin Palmo
Thats pretty much what I wish to achieve through meditation. It seems like a very good ability to learn to control :) and that's what I would like to achieve. I want to not try to avoid things that hurt me, I want to confront them and learn to deal with them in a way which is going to have positive effects. By not confronting a problem, we never solve it. I know problems will always be here, it's just part of life. So I want to be able to control my thoughts, even though this takes a lot of practice and apparently some people when they start meditation feel as though they are getting no where. But it takes patience, just like learning an instrument. You can't play perfectly the very first time, it takes practice and patience. Meditation isn't about ignoreing what hurts us or blocking out thoughts, they should come freely and go freely. It's about confronting our inner selves, realising our faults, understanding why things hurt/bother us. Accepting them and moving on from them. Teaching ourselves to think clearer in difficult situations, to control our emotions more easily. And maybe meditation could mean different things for different people and everyone would want to achieve different things through meditation :) but these things are what it means to me, what I want to achieve. And I know which things I want to focus on achieving as well. And I don't have a lot of things that hurt me, I am a happy person overall :) I always have been. But when things happen, I want to be able to deal with them well and to deal with my thoughts better.
"The purpose of cultivation is not to seek anything, but to discover the faults in our character and behavior. By opening ourselves to self-investigation, we hope to find out where our problems lie, and if, after searching within ourselves, we can see these faults and problems, this in itself is the fruit of the practice. " - Master Shen-Yen
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Heroes and Thieves
I've been feeling a little better, not yet fully but a little bit :). I just need to stop worrying about things that I have no control over. And expectations are just bad, because we picture something how we want it to be, when it's incapable of it sometimes. We're just setting ourselves up to be disappointed. As much as we wish we could pave things out the way they are in our dreams, we just need to learn to go with what comes and not hold expectations, because we'll be so much more open to everything that's happening around us and we'll be happier for it. So with every new situation I am going to try to do that.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
It's currently 3:16am, I have come down to the computer because I cannot sleep. I have been thinking far to much and it's starting to get to me more. I think I may be overthinking it and it's not as bad as how my heart feels it is. I know that all I can do is acknowledge this feeling, because trying to reject it never works. So I'm trying to come to terms with it instead which I am finding hard. I have been reading into meditation a lot lately, and I really want to try it. It's meant to help you feel more complete, accepting, inner peace. I looked up this Bali retreat which is for women and omg it looks amazing. The place they stay at is so gorgeous, would be such an amazing expirience. I'd love to go there with friends, I'd even go by myself. They do meditation coaching and yoga, amoung heaps of other things. But I'm thinking for the time being I'm just going to try meditation on my own.
"The more love and care you send out toward a person or issue, the more you come into alignment with your spirit, the more your intuition comes on-line" -HeartMath
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