This feeling.

I thought I was ready for that conversation, but obviously not. Hurt feelings can be so difficult to deal with. I think if its something that hurts only a little it can be fairly easy to get over, but when something really hurts you it can really stick with you.

I just don't know how to feel about it all. I think I know how I want to feel but as hard as I try, I still just feel hurt. I don't know how to make myself okay with it all. But then I think... Do I have to be okay with it? If I am hurt and don't like what's going on, isn't that something that should be just as important?

I guess I just feel as though my feelings would be misunderstood even if I did say something. I wish everyone could put themselves in the other person's shoes. How would they feel?

I wish people thought before they said something, because you never know what kind of impact your words can have on a person. How they can become so ingrained in their mind, they can repeat what you said word for word even years later. Words stay with you.

Words are powerful and sometimes I feel like not many people understand that.

"Expectation is the root to all heartache." - William Shakespear

I can't get this feeling out of my chest.

Family

What does family mean to you? To me it's the people who you should know will be there for you, no matter what happens. Their the one's who catch you and put you back on your feet when no one else does. The people who love you and support you regardless of anything else.

I can say these things are true of most of my family. Except my dad, and that makes me really sad. But my father has some very interesting views on the world, views which I can't agree with. I respect his views though, since I believe each to their own... but he won't show the same courtesy for me. Along with his constant expectations, and when you don't live up to his expectations... you know about it. I have never been good at talking to my dad, for a number of reasons. I am still polite and never rude when I speak to him, but I don't feel like I will ever be able to be close with him. Lately he's said some things which really hurt me, things that a person can't just get over. I don't want things to be this way and I have always tried to keep things good between us. But I think you just get to a point when they have just hurt you to many times, that you give up.

I've been trying for 19 years, and yesterday I finally gave up. Maybe things will get better a few years from now, but for now I'm done trying.

Relax

I am currently sipping some Camomile, Honey and Vanilla tea while listening to Come Undone by Vanessa Carlton. Relaxing indeed :)

University has been going good! University has taught me so many things, and allowed lots and lots of personal growth. Which I am very grateful for! Because if there is an opportunity to grow I believe it should be taken. Since there is always room for more personal growth and allowing further understanding of ourselves and the world around us.

With time.

Missed my train to go to uni today, was pretty bummed about it. But I am going tomorrow :) and both my tutors are awesome so that's always a plus :).

My skin has been horrid lately, I just wish it would calm down. I really need to get some new skincare products! But I really don't have the money to do that yet, ohh well. With time good things come!

Piano

Giovanni Boldini, La Femme En Rouge

This picture is so stunning, I still want to learn the piano!